When we come down from the temporary emotional high of an “in-love” experience, we start pursuing the “real-love” experience.
The “real love” experience unites reason and emotion. Effort and discipline are required to do this and involves an act of Will to accomplish. We make an effort to benefit the other person knowing that if our spouse’s life is enriched by our effort, we too will find a sense of satisfaction in genuinely loving another. Real love cannot begin until the in-love experience has run it’s course.
In my flower shop, when couples came in to buy flowers for family and friends. An in-love couple, who spend large sums of money on flowers would say, “Honey, I like these flowers”, the spouse replies, “Yes, I do too, lets buys those ones then”. They would nod in agreement and help each other get the bouquet to the counter.
In comparison, a real-love couple would play with their preferred bouquet, touching and squeezing the flowers (flowers don’t like being squeezed) and with out looking at each other, will say, “I like these ones”, the spouse would reply “Yeah, but these ones are nicer”, they would continue to pick them up and more often than not, buy both bouquets and leave happy.
If cost was a concern, they would (so it appears) agree to buy a completely different bouquet that neither initially gave any attention too or leave despondent without flowers because they couldn’t reach an agreement.
In summary, when couples buy flowers, one spends more time, the other spends more money.