If you’re wondering why my site has gone from light and bright to dark and grey? Let me explain.

Lately, I have more energy than usual. When I say more, it appears to chase me around as in virile pursuit. This new energy has a feeling of strength and stamina and I ask myself, “What is this? Where did it come from? I actually do not know what to do with it. So, I sat in silence to heed this change in fate and took a good look at where I am in life.

Yes, I’m a middle-ager, a baby boomer from Middle Earth NZ. I have a son with Autism and sometimes, he and I face challenges where no solution enters to partake and many times we must choose a path, keep the faith and hope that we will live this elaborate esse.  It is a sad and lonely place to be, to feel, that my son is the one that completes me.

Statistics show that fathers, suffer varying degrees of denial, at the thought, a child with special needs, could possibly come from their loins. It’s a hard blow to bare. Hence, they don’t stay around long enough to care for a baby monster under the carpet.

I hit a blank and no surge or burst billowed forth. I pondered, what will become of my son when I’ve gone for the “Big Sleep?” Who will care for him? I search for answers, in my relationship, with his father,  reminiscing the sorrow in hollow form. I found no solutions. Ugh! So be it!

Thank God for friends to share and tear in hope and vain who slap me across the face and say “Wake up, avoid stagnation and get your shit together”.  She made me realise that I had to jump out of my self-pity and call to function and purpose.

So, yesterday, I enrolled myself in the game and signed my son and I into different gyms. He has a personal trainer (gives me a break) and I get time to see if I can influence my resting heart rate and use up some of this new surge of energy.

Back to my site. I haven’t gone doom and gloom or fallen over the edge…:) I just want to try something different. My stats already show who like it and who do not.

Why have I changed and rearranged my site? Because, I have arrived at a new place, a place I’ve never been before. I’m warming my frost bitten toes and enjoying my new found freedom.

Thanks for taking the time to read my compilation of posts.

Arohamai kia koutou katoa.

 

26 replies on “Bright to dark and grey?

  1. I would always like whatever you do with your site. It was never the genre you write, but your writing voice that I liked. I hope you keep finding the way and the strength to walk it… keep rocking…🤘✌🤘😁😀

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Marie, firstly I love your site. I need to change mine because I think it’s too hard to read, and you’ve given me some ideas. Secondly, this was a really moving post. Congrats to you for seeing the glass half full. Here’s to new outlooks. 🙂 – Marty

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh, you’re too kind. Thank you. I must read your books. I’m attempting to write a book, its a long process lol.. Ugh! Looking at your site, gives me hope…:)

      Like

      1. Your a delight. Seriously, it’s not as difficult as you’d think. Your writing is exceptional. It’s a matter of ensuring said amount of time, more if your in the zone, cause honestly some days I can write for hours and hours without stopping. Others, it’s a matter of 20 minute as I have a busy life looking after 4 grand kids and making meals.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Umm exceptional 🤔 Yes thats my issue… the everyday life stuff😲. Gotta get a handle on that. Thank you for your words of inspiration.😊

        Like

  3. You’re an inspiration, even if I’ve said that before…
    My aunt has 2 autistic children, and her entire life was changed by them. I know the time,and effort that goes into taking care of them, so I understand how you must feel. I’m glad, that you’ve decided to change your flow of thought, not because of your posts of course ( they’re always very good!😀) but because, it’ll help you, I’m sure of it.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you tarnish. Yes, I’m back at the gym, doing some freelance work and enjoying doing stuff for me again.🤗
      Regards to your aunt. 💖

      Like

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