If you’re wondering why my site has gone from light and bright to dark and grey? Let me explain.
Lately, I have more energy than usual. When I say more, it appears to chase me around as in virile pursuit. This new energy has a feeling of strength and stamina and I ask myself, “What is this? Where did it come from? I actually do not know what to do with it. So, I sat in silence to heed this change in fate and took a good look at where I am in life.
Yes, I’m a middle-ager, a baby boomer from Middle Earth NZ. I have a son with Autism and sometimes, he and I face challenges where no solution enters to partake and many times we must choose a path, keep the faith and hope that we will live this elaborate esse. It is a sad and lonely place to be, to feel, that my son is the one that completes me.
Statistics show that fathers, suffer varying degrees of denial, at the thought, a child with special needs, could possibly come from their loins. It’s a hard blow to bare. Hence, they don’t stay around long enough to care for a baby monster under the carpet.
I hit a blank and no surge or burst billowed forth. I pondered, what will become of my son when I’ve gone for the “Big Sleep?” Who will care for him? I search for answers, in my relationship, with his father, reminiscing the sorrow in hollow form. I found no solutions. Ugh! So be it!
Thank God for friends to share and tear in hope and vain who slap me across the face and say “Wake up, avoid stagnation and get your shit together”. She made me realise that I had to jump out of my self-pity and call to function and purpose.
So, yesterday, I enrolled myself in the game and signed my son and I into different gyms. He has a personal trainer (gives me a break) and I get time to see if I can influence my resting heart rate and use up some of this new surge of energy.
Back to my site. I haven’t gone doom and gloom or fallen over the edge…:) I just want to try something different. My stats already show who like it and who do not.
Why have I changed and rearranged my site? Because, I have arrived at a new place, a place I’ve never been before. I’m warming my frost bitten toes and enjoying my new found freedom.
Thanks for taking the time to read my compilation of posts.
Arohamai kia koutou katoa.